كم اشعر بالخجل .. !!!

What i should do about this ? i'm feeling really loose , i can't seem to work it out at all , i'm feeling really really lose , what should i do , this is really making my heart dieing inside , i can't seem to make this trobling feeling go away , it's just killing me ? ! , i'm feeling under Down , i'm feeling like " am i really this stupide and why ? " i feel like i'm broken more then ever , she had the best notes , and here i'm playing around , not even studying serieusly !!! , why am i like this ? why don't i have a dream ? why can't get better , why am i this stupide ... 
i bet there's a lot of reason's why : 
i hung out with stupide people 
i don't study at home niether do i try to understand at class 
i feel shy , and i can't seem to talk much at class during the lesson 
i help people , but they get better note then me , that's really just sad !! 
i promised my mother that i'll get a good note so i have to get a better note in the seconed tremester , that's really my goal for the new year 2014 here i come ... !!! 
تظاهر بأنك (بخير دائماً ) ..مهما عصفت بك الحياة، (فالكتمان) أجمل بكثير من "شفقة " الآخرين عليك .

نصيحة مجربة 

  

ME

me : 

- i'm a girl .

- i'm a teen in the age of 17 .

- i don't like flashy stuff .

- i don't like getting a lot of attention it make me blush , and doesn't know where to put my hands , or how to walk , or how o even smile .

- i love reading manga , i wish i'll have a love just like shouju ^o^

- i hate babies , not hate , but not a big fan of them . 

- i love the number 18 and 19 even 17 they kill me . 

- i hate the sport teacher . 

- i hate people who like to make fun of me , bacause i always look calm , like they can do wherever they want and say wherever they want , basterds !.

- i hate guys who run after beauty flashy queen , and hey beg them for a attention , they're an ass !

- i don't trust girls niether boys , not anymore , i shall get back to my habit ,whish is depending on myself all the time , no need for help from anyone . 

- i'm not papulor , i may seem pretty , but i have the body of a girl who's 20 , i'm too sexy for this high school boys , they're into cute , flatted chest , annoying , and scremy girls . 

- i hate football . 

- i love playstation games , sepcaily the fight one ^^ . 

- i never did go out with a boy or talk with one on the phone . 

- i speak japanese . 

- i hate people pointing at my breast at the streat in front of my friends , and my familly , people who're around . get a life ! 

- i hate old man going for young girl , i mean talking to me that way everytime i come , saying that pervert hello thing , looking to me that look , disguesting , i'll never go there again . 

- i love tall guys , with a nice manely body . 

- i hate guys when they act nice and gentle to u all the time , and then they do one mad look , they destroy they're image . 

- i hate when i think that the people around us might be smiling all the time , but when they go home thier whole image change . 

- i always change my crush , i have crushs on wierde people all the time .

- when girls irrtated me , i want steall they're crush , and now i'm at that mission . 

-  i like the stress of working to beat the time . 

- i like cute stuff . but the thing that fit me is mature stuff . 

- i hate when i send a friend a msg at FB whish is way too long , and then he replay with a word . 

- i hate people who like to attract attention . 

- i hate boys smoking or saying bad words . 

- i love smart guys , they just kill me . 

- i hate guys that the only thing they have in mind is how to get a beautiful girl as they're GF , the only thing on earth that matter ?

well there's still a lot of stuff about me , likes and hates , but i'm gonna leave them for another bad day §

Best friends ditching you for some guy or some girl !

hi ^^

   the thing i hate most , Best friends or just friends ditching you for some guy or some girl , going without saying goodbye , i bet everyone has gone throught this situation .
Well,  it just happens all the time to me , and when i ditch them , suddenly , they come !," why did you igonre us , why ?" , why does they ignore me and ditch me all the time , and when i do it , they get mad , i realise something ( realise it a long time ago ! ) , Friends know you're importance exepet when you're gone , it fits with saying " you're gonna miss me when i'm gone " , i've had really enuagh with this ! , maybe they have a reason , they always have a reason , but i can't keep up with friends who doesn't care about me as i care about them or they only care about me when i'm gone .
     i'm still thinking about what to do ? , i have other friends , and i like them , but leaving the others when they have a reason for it , is just not fair and a cruel thing to do .
  a little advice for people who have this kind of problem : " Running after you're friends , wherever they go , fallowing them everywhere , i'm not saying that this is my case , but it happend to me befor , feeling like you're the thired wheel , just that feeling like you're someone unwanted is awful , and bieng abondent , is just not a really pleasent feeling T.T , i wish i won't try it ever again , what i want to say treasure you're self , not fallowing everyone around , be you're self , and someone for sure is gonna love you , and if they know how amazing you're then they'll regret it , and you'll notice it as soon as you realise what i just said :) " 
   Girls love guys , and they prefer them over friends ( over girls friends ) , i never ditch my friend for a guy because i didn't had the feeling to leave them and cling to some guy so he'll like me or anything , just wierd , but everyone i know do it , not all of them but the most , sometimes i feel like " what the heck ? " , they're just thinking about them , selfish people :( , i'm not gonna say that i won't ever ditch them for some guy cause i never did had that strong feeling to go talk to a guy , and cling to him , so i don't know if i ever will do that .
in the end all i have to say to people who have problems like me don't worry , you'll find someone like you Lol , maybe :)
salam " peace " 

i love him

i love someone , he's cute kind of , not my type ( when i tell someone he's not my type , they say like WHHHHATTT ? , well don't be shoked , he ain't , i'm into tall guy's " he's tall " and guys with the 5 o'clock shadow beard " he doesn't have it " , and into guy's who are into me more then i'm into them , like they do the stalking not ME ,  into guy's who're good at some stuff , not gonna say what that stuff is , it's  personal :p ) Let me finish he's born on 12/01/1996 , he's bigger then me , not much , he love the colour black , and he's a big fan of the metallica band , a rock band ! , he loves fish and fry potatos , and he used to have an ex girlfriend , i don't know what he saw in her , to ask her out , sure she's pretty , not really !!! , kind of , anyone has his own taste , well she's a bit childish , and he seem to be mature , since his the bigger one in the familly , he like to study to reach his goal , " i wish he'll be able to do that , even if we don't end up toghther " , so that ex of his is oviousely still in love with him , she said it herself , there's no one who's like him , well there'sn't , sepcaily in the school , i feel like he's still in love with her too , they don't talk anymore , but it feels like they'll get back toghther , and i prefer him bieng with some girl who's right for him rather then some kid trying to win him back , annoying ! , well whatever , let's stop talking about her  .let's finish what i know about him , i feel like i know everything , what he feels , i stalke him everywhere , i even got to see his room and talked with him in the phone , but that's not enughe , he oviousely not gonna get a girlfriend this year since it's the year of unvirsty exam , so i bet that he's waiting to finish the exam and have a good pass mark , so he can do whatever he want to do , and then ask her out again , or when he got to collage ,he'll chose some incconte cute girl with the most adorbale face and get out with her , and tell her wait for me for like 7 years so i can finish my study , and get married , or he'll get bored with her , and move one girl by girl , living his life , no sense , and when he find a job he'll find some girl who he loves, and wish to be with her forever , just annoying !but just to be positive , he might end up in love with me without me trying that hard , he'll feel that i'm a nice girl , always standing up with his sisters , and he'll see something in me , i wish thought , and he'll think this girl is sepcail , "i feel like lying to my self" , well whatever or me on the other hand i might get to the universty and meet the guy of my dream , he'll be like taller then me , has a nice body , sexy hihi :p , someone who'll be a good match to me , and he'll be smarte , older then me , and so gentle , and can be good at some stuff , and he'll be all over me , so in love with me , he'll be in love with me first , not me , because stalking didn't do me no good , it's just made me more shy and not confident that he'll like me , i see myself as beautiful a fine lady , and the most amazing girl , and all WOwo, but just getting near the guy i like , he like take all my glowing and confidance away , and i become the same girl i don't wanna be , all of the sudden i feel ugly and unwanted , unloved , hated , aweful emotions come at me at once , and they ask me why not go and get the guy , u're pretty , so why not ? , they havn't exprience rejection befor , rejection without even confessing , annoying , niether did they feel this feeling which is so not good , i'll tell u something people are cruel , and they think only about themselves , and for that i ain't gonna make the first move .waiting for the right guy to come , i said i love him not adore him or that i can't give up on him , and like i can't live without him or like i will never find anyone better , everything is in the hand of allah so be positive , and the right guy will come :) peace " salam " 

how to be smart ?

Vacation ends after 3 Days , i'll entre school , new class , some familler faces , some aren't , I have to find a girl who i can sit with , who has to be stupider then me , or at my level , Has to be nice , and cool to hung out , not the boring Type , and in this year i'll have to bear studying with the girl who once left me for 4 years with no a word , and then comeback talking to me one day as if i'm some kind of forgivable person , well i guess i was , because we're talking now , arn't we ? ... , well the reason she left me in the first place was because i was smarter then her , even her familly hated me , because i was smarter then thier daughter , when i said it's okey , they said :" it's not okey , she have to be better " , well guess what ! when the me who at some point lost the ability to study , and let go of her own futur , in the other hand she got better , why ? she improved her self , Yeah she did , i have to tell her " well done " bravo , after all she did it , and now her dear parents can tell me " it's okey " , but if she could do it , then i also can , all i need to do is study hard , and stay late ( cause i heard smart peopler stay late at night studying because they can't sleep knowing there's something missing out there , or something they don't understand , and honestly i don't have this kind of ability to stay late and study very hard so i can be the first , i always give up , well not anymore , cause somehow there's a part of me died that day when the teacher told me " you can't do it " ) , also keep on the hard work , all you have to do is not miss anything , keep with track , make notes and stuff , just reading what i'm writing make me believe in myself much better , and If i can do it , and she could do it , then you can , all you have to do is create a bit of magic , and love yourself , believe in it , and olala you did it . 
Salam "peace" 

Little TalK

Hi everyone 

u see when i was small like around 12 or 13 i begin to watch anime , and with time i become addicted to them , and i was afraid at that time if i grow up and i get married , and have childern , i was afriad i'll stay the same girl who watch anime , but at the age of 15 , i get less in watching anime , and got into manga , and by time here i'm 17 still watching anime and reading manga , but still i'm not into just this two , i also adore watching korean drama , and so as japanias , i now can talk a bit of japanais , and i was proud of the that , untill i got into high school last year , and since it's a new class , it's also a new friends , so i was sitting behind , and so i don't remember exacly what happend , but someone from the front give me something so i said arigatoo , and then this girl who was sitting beside me said something in japanais , i don't remember what's it ! , but well since that we become close friends , more then friends , we become sisters , kind of , hhhheheh , so i really love this friend of mine , she have white skin and she's short , she's like 1.55 , while i'm brunnet , and tall , i'm 1.75 mmm well still i love my hight :) . hight doesn't matter in making friends , well ofcourse u'll have difficltty in talking while standing up , but what the heck ? i don't give a damn ^^ i'm happy with the way i was born , and i thank allah for that :)))))
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-peace 8888888 salam -_-_-_-__-_-__-__-_-__-_-_-_-_-_-_-

letting go !

i'm not going to fallow you , or tell you that i love you in my own way , i'm not going to stand from a far , and  watch you with my eyes whish are dying to see you from up close ; i'm not going to climb there anymore , i'm not going to entre you're classroom , and keep looking around , as if i'm saying" i wish i can be here with you" , i'm not going to wait untill it's 10.00 to see you , and run as fast as i can just to see you're face , and  when i see you i'll hide somewhere , and begin to feel like a stalker , my legs tremble , my body is at lose , and i froget how to walk , all this is not gonna happen anymore , i'm  going to froget you , i'm not gonna ask for you , i'm going to let go , you're free to fallow you're charming girl , she's nice , well to nice , you're nice as well , i guess you too fit toghther perfectlly , when you two were toghther i wished a bad wish , it's not like a wish , it's more like a hope , i said if you two broke up , then it mean you and me were meant to be toghther , and then my wish become true , but i know it was just a false hope , cause you're cool , but somehow silent , and you like dark song , when in the other side i'm more like wowo who live in lala land , well now you're wishing to go somewhere else , and maybe take you're ex with you , getting married , having kids , at that time my secret of loving you will be frogtten , and drowned somewhere ,  i wonder if when i see you again i can be brave and look t you , and feel sorry for myself or feeling ugly thought i'm not , i'm afraid that eyes of you'rs will show a very ugly side of me ,  well now i have frogtten u dear ex-love , i wish next year i'll find someone else , someone charming , and very cute ,  handsome , i don't want to fall in love with someone like you  , not anymore .

heart

When you want something so bad , but that thing can't be you'rs no mare what , it make you feel usless , and unwanted , hurt , invisible , edgy , poor , lonely , frogtten , hated , wrong , pitful , gross , disgusting , Ugly .

revenge or hate , does it help us ?

Well , befor this momment here , i hated someone very much , she hurted someone precious to me , i really hated her , she wasn't the type that regret what she did !, or anything ... , she play it nice , and cool , but in realty she's a really a nasty , like to insult u , but with this kind of thing like not direct , but u understand that it was about u , well i felt really that i need to hate her , she's just have to be hated , i always thought , how can her familly stand her , she's defentally is a bitch . 
    
    But , now that i've met her again , I saw her , and looked again ,and again ,and again , she's getting old , her skin if pale , her face seemed ugly , i pitted her , i felt sorry for her , she's not that one i hate , i thought is this her ? the way she dress , everything , ...my life is better then her , i'm happy , she's aweful , i'm restful , she's restless , as she spoke and all , the urage of hating her begine to slowly dispear , does she deserve me to hate her ? , well guess what , she deserve it , but i don't want to waste my time on filthy people like her , i hate her , and i still , but i don't care about getting a revenge or trying to make her regret it , cause she won't , she'll never forget it , she'll keep her life , and she'll repeat it again , and again , and i'll never care again .


 this familly from the mother to the daughter , they're all enjoy making stories , it's like there's not anything else important , well let them both go and throw them self from a roof , lol , just kidding ,but i really don't care , they're idiot , and the idiot who will care . 

but how can't somebody get hurt from they're words , it's stabbing us in the heart , but yes we recover , yet we want to repay them , sometimes we repay them , sometimes we don't , cause it's better to give them the cold shoulder ,rather then the spilling water , that's what i think sometimes not all the time .

We can't live happily after a stab in the heart , and we wish we would comeback to redo what we said , or to even say something or just do anything but it's a shame that we can't "it's life.
 they're indeed IDIOT , and i'm going to protect that precious person of mine , and that will be next time dear idiot .

LOVE

well , i don't know what i sould do ! , all of the sudden i feel shy , and restless .
it's all his fault cause this feeling is too big for my body to controll , i can't keep it up , my heart just feel happy , my legs get weak , the time feel slow , and in the same time fast , wierd , right ?? T^T
Though , i love this feeling ," LOVE " So good that i feel dizzy all the time , and it make me adore Fish .

If u ask me what i love about him , i'll say Everything , i don't think there's anything wrong with him , and i don't care what other's say about him , because too me he is Perfect , well perfect too me , and please don't see him withthat little eyes of you're , cause he's above that , so please don't ever ask me , why .

i don't like to be judge by the way i look , or how i talk or walk , or who i hang out with , please minna-san mind u're own bissense , cause it's me who want to choose my own friends , i love the way my friends look , cause if u love someone u don't want to change a thing about him :)) , that's LOVE to me . 

in the End , what i want to say is that LOVE is amazing , so search for it , and work hard to get it , not stay deadwall and wait for somebody to come and rescue u , well i'm like that right now , but still doing my best to reach and capture his heart . 


salam "peace" 

kawaii ^^

i love this hairstyle , i do it sometimes ^^ , it's quit beautiful ,
if u think that too , then please leave a comment , and next time i'll put a video to how to do this style , and also others .

my fellings

today i felt happy at the begging , but in the afternoon i felt really sad , because i remembered that tomorrow , we will corect the test , and i didn't work very well , mostly worst , then the first termester , this girl that i sit with her , she talk to much , she's really kind of boring , sometimes good , but what can i say i'm losing my real self around her , i'm so lost , i wish i can save it befor it gone all away , i'm begging to hate her , but the more the thought of hating her come a croos my head, the more i'm losing "me" , what i sould do ??
tuseday , we did math exam , i did a mistake , instead of writtin all the numbers , which is 30 , i wrote 31 , and with this little mistake , a full exersice which has 7 point , is gone , and let's not talk about the others exercise that i got wrong or i didn't do , but this girl who sit with me did everything , i was the SMARTEST one , befor metting her , damn it , this is making me free a little bit , LOL ^^ please no hate for what i'm saying , i don't hate her , i actully think she's trying her best , the blame is all on me , for not taking any atention in the class , niether intoo my life , so i have to do it now for the thire termester the last one , so i can chose science ^^ and bring the old me back

 If by any chance , u r reading this , please give me u're opinion , i really in deep need for it right now , thanks ^^

head high -_-

i'm going to try my best from now and on , and no one is going to tell me i can't do it  i did it last year , and i'm going to do this year ^^ , i'm head high ಸೊ ಗೊಇಂಗ್  ತೋ  ದೋ ಇತ್ 

^^

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7QIhFm0M3c

i've lost myslef

Ι've lost , and the regret is killing me ,  yes i did , and that really hurt ; and this is not even the first time .it really hurt so much , i've got one last chance to make it up  ,and i hope that i'll do best , and for tomorrow i'll do my hardest . wish me best ^^ 

ς ί h ε m